A tree with a hernia, open abdominal wound and a prolapse.
Nice text for on your stoma bag:
We had a brainstorm on the forum about funny text you could write on your stoma bag. We thought it would be nice to collect them on the website. Have you got one? Then fill in the form below! Be aware it can take a couple of days before your text is inserted.
* It’s easy, shitting in a bag
* As finishing touch...
god created the stoma
* Warning, shit alert!
* Dump bag
* I always let the dirt hang out
* Powered by stoma
* I have a turbo on my hole
* I will!
* Compost bag
* Shit included
Or:* I have a headache
* Danger of explosion!!
Watch out! Dangerous substances
* Contains a natural export product
* I love sticking bags
* Open flame and smoking forbidden
You know there is no bag?
* I also save sugar bags
* Reseal able packaging
* Be gentle with me or I'll explode
* Love is...emptying my bag!
* Pull and you sit under the shit!
* No, I don’t miss the toilet, bag off and it’s gone
* There is still HOPE
* Real men have 2!
* I am a bag maniac!
* Piercing for experts
All cold shit in 1 bag
* Better a full bag than an empty head
* I am a fulltime bag walker!
* Fragrance of the house
* Sate sauce, now also in bags!
* Bag washers wanted!
For the men:
* Fertility 200%;
extra bag included
* Get 2 bags, pay for 1 man!
One stoma said to another:
“Do you also have such a shit pressure??”
* Emergency exit!
* SHIT HAPPENS!
* Make shit, not War!
* Work in progress!
* Same Shit, Different Day
* Home made
* Flat bag
* Watch out for pick pockets!
* Diversion for renovation!
* Stoma mother
* BFFL (Best Friends For Life)
* End of the road!
In this bag...Is my evening mash!
* Rear exit closed
* Who is now the bag?
* If you smell this you are too close
* Air mail from bowel town
* Shit, there it is
* Lady with a bag
* What a shit bag, you can’t do anything about it
When shit hits the bag
* Pooper scooper bag
I always was a woman with balls,
and now I have a bag
* all right! In future I won’t eat white and brown beans at one meal..
* I prefer to solve my waste problems
with a bag than business
* GFT rubbish in the green box,
the rest in this bag
* My job is to fill this bag
* Exchange marbles?
* Watch out, it lives!
* Hermetically sealed for your
* Mmm, lovely and warm
* Air attack!
* Do not puncture
* Watch for escaping gases
* Want to know what I ate yesterday?
* This gap is not intended for
* Inclusive inbuilt air circulation system with airco
* 24 hours day and night collection
* Watch out: dribbles!
Through the result of cuts:
* I am second-hand from Ebay
* Stoma faction: vote for me if you want to save
on toilet paper!
* Do NOT rip this way!
* Ready for re-use
* Oxtail soup, just at the
* Nice and lumpy, eh!
* No entry, flooding danger!
* This is a covered spray room
* Watch out, volcanic activity observed!
* My turn is always nicely packaged;
bow around it?
* Automatic refillable
warm pitcher on your stomach
* A better environment starts with this bag
* Let me fertilise your farmland!
* Load above, empty below
* It’s sticky?
Oops...then I have put it on inside out...
* Look, a flying stoma bag!
* This is how you shit
* I lay wrong at birth
* The cork is still on order
* I eat so much I need 2
* I am...and I am like a kangaroo
* My food always falls forward
* Exit around the corner!
* What is that red thing? That’s my valve;
I get blown up every day
* Nothing is coming;
I think they took the wrong exit?
* Forbidden entry for unaccompanied
* Catch of the day!
* Back to front
* And for the grandmothers amongst us: (ST) OMA
* Open sewer
* Here it comes
Bin man, can you take this bag as well?
Biohazzard, creation of new species in progress
* Chanel nr 5
* This is my rose; it just doesn’t smell as nice...
With the greatest of ease, I do it in the bag
* I'm not lost, this is just a
* This saves a fart in the arse
(Vulgar Flemish saying means the case can sometimes be seen totally differently)
* I can shit higher than my hole is
* Dung bag
* My other bag is a Gucci!
I don't have an asshole.
Would you like to be mine?
What have you called your stoma?
Many people give their stoma a name, knowingly or unconsciously. For one person they think about the name, for another the name presents itself. Sometimes giving something a name can make it easier. Closer to yourself, more personal. Have you seen the film “Cast away” with Tom Hanks? He had to survive on an uninhabited island. He found a volley ball, which he called “Wilson”. He talked to Wilson and gave him a face. Being able to talk to something, even if it doesn’t talk back, can be a big relief. Have you given your stoma a name and do you want to share it with us?
Then fill in the form beneath!
"I have a temporary stoma after having my
cancer removed who I named "Colin" so it only seemed
fair to name my stoma. My husband called it "Winnie"
because when he first met my stoma bag, all he could
think of was "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day"
so "Winnie" it is."
"I named my stoma Betty Poop, because, it's what
she does... all the time :)"
"I named my stoma Francois. It just came to mind
while I was in the hospital recovering from the
removal of my rectum and creation of the temporary
ileostomy. A couple of my girlfriends came to visit
and while they were there, as we were laughing,
either the nurse or the surgeon came, too, and the
name Francois (with perfect French accent) just
popped out of my mouth."
I love her and she is my best little friend.
I thank The Lord God for
Stomie is very significant to me.
The S in her name stands for Special"
"I call my stoma Stinky Tinky, due to my husband bought me a new nighty with Tinkerbell on when I was in the hospital... She doesn't smell though :)"
"I call my stoma the twilight zone, because when I get constipated it swells and looks really out of this world. It is a strange being in my very new world got to love it for nine years now."
"I named my stoma Gus; after the chubby
little mouse from Cinderella. He's pretty cute I
"I call my colostomy Colin. It seems to fit
the condition quite well."
"My Stoma is now the grand old age of 2 weeks
and I have called her Cherry, though at times she
blows rather loud raspberries so I can feel a change
of name coming on..."
"On a good day I call my stoma Windy as she can be very noisy at times. On a day she just won't behave I call her Luciver for onvious reasons."
"A friend has called his stoma Napolean (as in
Napolean Bonafart) which amused me. My own stoma
named himself a few days after he was fitted, when
he let out some filtered gas which sounded just as
though he had said Rufus, so that is his name. He
must be a bloke because he is so practical, and not
a bit romantic Ha Ha."
"My ileostomy is called Bubs, because he is just like a little baby! He needs his nappy changed, he wakes me up in the middle of the night, he cries all the time, and I always have to carry my 'baby' supplies with me! And just like a baby, I love Bubs for who he is and what he has done for me!"
"I have had my stomas nearly 30 years and growing up. I didnt have a name for them until 6 years ago when I met my lovely husband. He named them. Colostomy is Sammy (the stinker) and my urostomy is Sally. He can ask how I am in a crowded room and no one knows!"
... Vicky 40
"I've only had my stoma for 9 days now but i've called my Reilly...
After the film "Life of reilly" where a man attaches himselfs onto someone else life and lives for them :)"
"I call my stoma erupt as that is what it does most of the time. Sort of like a small valcano"
... Bill Craig
"My 3 month old stoma is called Stanley, named
after Stan Laurel. I could just imagine Oliver Hardy
saying "and that's another fine mess you've got me
"My stoma is called Albert. He is 1yr old and he makes me laugh everytime he makes a noise. He saved my life so that makes us best friends."
"My stoma is called Hot Lips. My husband named it for me after my surgery, he thought it looked like red pouting lips !!!! 6 years later he still asks me how hot lips is doing??"
"Hi. I've had my stoma for 7 years now. My dad
named my stoma when I was in hospital. It is called
"Skippy". Cheers to all ostomates!"
"My stoma is called Morgan Freeman after the character he played in The Shawshank Redemption - Red!"
"I christened my stoma Sander, after my very first boyfriend, who gave me the liberating feeling that there was nothing wrong with me just being “so”. I had the same sort of liberating feeling when I, after months of pain, woke up with my cherry new stoma after the operation. There from."
Because I am still alive.
He saved my life."
"I call my stoma Nino, just because it is made up of the letters from a continent urostomy. I can then talk away easily about it as if it is my friend. And: also a reason to give your stoma a name: “I am going to listen to my own tinkling. You can then say “I am going to listen to his tinkling! ;)
... A 15 year old girl
"I call him “Jerom” – from the Jerom of Suske & Wiske – and then I say “Jerom and I, together we are strong”! Because Jerom is a very strong spirit, and in this way we beat our intestinal problems."
"I call my stoma “my friend” because I want to be and shall be good friends with it, but sometimes I call it “the bitch”, because it goes its own way."
"My stoma is called Stinkerbell... because I love Tinkerbell and yes, sometimes I do smell a bit hence Stinkerbell...!"
"My urostomy is called Fred, because all pets in my husband’s family were always nicknamed that. My colostomy is called Steve, named for someone I know who is a real arse. "
"II call my stoma the rattle, because sometimes it sometimes makes a rattle going into the bag."
"The emergency exit”, it seems clear to me!"
"Our son Jarne is 4 years old, and has had a stoma for a half year, and then a mucus fistula. Difficult to name. Therefore they both got a name: Joep (poop) and Freddy (fistula). When we go to visit the surgeon he asks Jarne, and how are Joep and Freddy?"
"I called the stoma Flipper because straight away after the operation I heard the sounds you hear from a dolphin. It was the first thing that sprang to mind."
"My stoma bag will soon be called Chanel no 5. Why? Because many people associate the word stoma with a horrid smell. Naturally that is total rubbish therefore a wonderful fragrance name. Greetings from a soon to be ostomist from Betuwe. "
"9 times out of 10 I call her Little Bag! This is because I find “stoma” a horrid word. If my friend is with me I normally say; “ah my little bag, how is my little marsupial?” I am glad that he is ok with it! But I shall always carry my little bag!"
"I don’t have one at the moment, but perhaps I will get one. To choose a name, we played with the word “urine stoma”, and made as many names from that that we could (it has to be feminine as I am a girl). We liked “Mira” best of all. Other names we had were: (perhaps a tip for other people!) Rinus, Omar, Rein, Sem, Tom/Tim, Tina, Timo, Marie, Mien, and Rens.
"I do not have a stoma myself, but my nephew does. Because I found it difficult to talk about it in the beginning, I gave it a name. His bird is called Sthoma (my nephew is called Thomas, hence the spelling), and I called his stoma the same. Much nicer!"
"I call my stoma little rose because it looks just like a small rose"
"Because I am very interested in bikes and cars, I found it funny to call my stoma “Sports Exhaust”. Just “pimping” a bit of my own body. And a text for on my bag would be: “Bio hazard, creation of new species in progress”, with a bio hazard sign next to it. "
"I call it “my volcano”, because the first time I saw it, under the influence of morphine, I said it looked like a volcano!"
"I gave my stoma the name “ELSje”. It is a shortening of A dear Little Stoma! The nurses found her good and beautiful to look at and she is not very big, so I gave her this name."
"When I heard I was going to get a temporary ileostomy I gave my stoma a name. I named the stoma after the surgeon who created it. Soon I will lose the stoma and it could be that I shall miss it, as it has sat on my stomach for around 3 months."
"I had a colostomy and my friend called him or her (never sure which it was) “stinky”. Well, not difficult to guess why..."
"Water rose”. Water rose needed lots of water to keep on growing."
"Simmering Rose”. Just came to me yesterday. The day before I had eaten spicy food and it simmered away all day."
"I have had a colostomy twice and named them for the surgeon who made them. The first was called Adje and now I have Arthur lol..."
"Willempie. From the song by Andre v.Duin. You hear Willempie everywhere, it is a strange feeling. Everyone in my circle knows what I mean if I say: Willempie needs attention or Willempie is being annoying again. Strangers do not know what I mean, but my husband knows enough."
"I called my stoma Sjeng (Limburg for John)"
"I call my stoma “Joepie the pooper”. All my family and friends know about my stoma and so they can talk freely about it, I though it an appropriate name."
"Ehm just my little Willy...My friend has one and I have also had one since February. It grows and shrinks!"
"My stoma is called “chupa chup”. When I had just got my stoma and lay in the hospital, my brother said: “let me see what it looks like”. I had a clear bag on at that time after the operation. He said: “it looks like a chupa chup lolly!”. Since then it is my own chupa chop, with a completely new taste, shall we say!" :)
"I have had my temporary ileostomy now for about 3 weeks. I think it looks like a sea anemone: the way it moves and pulses out and in again. But I couldn’t think of the name of a sea anemone. Therefore I call her Rosebud when I am happy with her, and Butthead when she is annoying."
"My son called my stoma “Angus”. After the opening that I no longer have! (hint: take away the G)"
"Mine is called Plop gnome. My stoma is so small and sometimes pulls inside so that you have to look for him with a magnifying glass."
"My stoma is called “Henry”. I have had my ileostomy for around 10 years now. I knew he would be with me 24/7, so I wanted to give him a name. It is a part of my life, plus when I have to email my assistant or put on a new base plate, they know exactly what I mean: it makes my life easier. I therefore advise everyone to give their stoma a name."
"I call her “Little trumpet” because she sometimes trumpets terribly. Not always good of course...but in the main she does it (up until now) LUCKILY not at inconvenient times. But if that happens I know, I think, how to deal with it....."
"I called my stoma Ankh, after the Egyptian symbol for life. Because my stoma means precisely this for me: the result (symbol) of a life saving operation to remove my UC affected intestines."
"My stoma is called Stella. With no other reason than she seems like a Stella. I talk to her, especially when she is noisy. I think that everyone who hears me thinks I am mad! We haven’t been together long but I appreciate the good work she does and the pain she has removed form my life. Thanks Stella!"
"Mine only has a name when it begins to bubble during the cleaning. You do not want to know what I call it then, hahahaha."
"My ileostomy is called Snout, because it looks like a nose. Squirt is my urostomy’s name, because he always squirts when I want to change my bag. I call them SS for short."
"My stoma is called Vesuvius, because it erupts heavily at the most unexpected times!"
"My stoma is called Little Rose. If Rose grumbles then I say: stop that now Rose! I know that you will be with me until death."
"I only got my urostomy last year, but my daughter has already given it a name: ”Tommy”. She chose this name because she thought it looked like a crushed tomato."
"I am a member of a forum and we had a competition there to chose the name of my stoma. Eventually it became Winnie the Pooh."
"I call mine Sjaak. Sometimes I call him a nosy parker when he begins to interject whilst I am having a conversation."
"I got my stoma when I was 17 and called him “Phil the bag”. On my 29th I got married to, yes indeed, a Phil. How coincidental. They are both unpredictable and often make me laugh."
"I have a new addition to my life (barely 3 months old) and I have called him the “little redheaded guy”. I know for certain that he is a guy, because a woman would never be so unpredictable. "
"My stoma is called Humpie Dumpie because he is so small and nine times out of ten, leads his own life."
"I have had my stoma for 11 years now, and call him Herbie. I don’t actually know why I called him that, but it helped me to accept the stoma as a friend and not an enemy. I sometimes have interesting conversations with Herbie when he is active, even my husband talks to him now and again."
"I have had my stoma for 22 years, I got it when I was 9. I called it Bert, after Bert and Ernie, which I loved at the time."
"I called my stoma “cul de sac”. I am French so I shall explain it: cul means arse and sac means bag. It took me 4 years to think of an appropriate name!"
"I have called my 6 month old stoma “Meredith”. It grew from the french “merde”, also know as sh*t . I found life easier to make her more personal, even though I sometimes wish she was quiet. "
"When I lay in the hospital and had just got my stoma, someone told me that I should give my stoma a name. First I thought it a strange idea but eventually decided to do it. So I sat looking at my stoma for a few seconds till the perfect name came to me: ”Mick”. Named for Mick Jagger. Because it seemed to me that I had Mick’s lips sticking to my belly. "
"I called it Willy Wonka’s bubble machine. I am a teacher and after my operation I was in doubt how much I should tell my class. At that time I had a lot of problems with gas so I explained to the class that I had had an operation and sometimes now sound like “Willy Wonka’s bubble machine”. The result is that I could no longer lose the name. It is not a “human” name, but it is appropriate for me."
"I call mine Willy because sometimes he is nearly as long as my friends. Try and think about it: a woman with a bag and a long (whahaha)."
Keep in mind that it can be a few days before your text is inserted.